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| This site is not affiliated with or endorsed by The Gerry. No infringement intended. Some content may be unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with no sense of humor or if you are just a mindless ninny. No animals were harmed in the making of this website, although the Chihuahua next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. This website represents the official view of the voices in my head. The site design is © 2007 Mazzy Dezynz, Inc. [Site best viewed:: 800 x 600 ::IE :: Netscape 4.0+] |
| Ever have a movie that you're very excited to see and no one around you gives a ca-ca about it? So you wind up watching it yourself or you force someone who loves (and fears you) to watch it with you. You know, like a reluctant best friend who finally caves after your endless nagging, begging and pleading even though she still needs incentives... Me: There'll be popcorn. Friend: No chocolate? Me: Of course there will be chocolate, you silly bint. Friend: (pauses in thought) What else ya got? Me: A good looking man. Hot, very hot. Friend: (still unconvinced, the wily chit) I'm listening... Me: (I shrug my shoulders in frustration and flip the bird, even though she can't see me doing that since we're chatting on the phone, but it feels good) Errr....possible sex scenes? Friend: What time do you want me to be there? And after more descriptions about the hot man named Gerry we'll be watching, who may or may not be having sex in this film that I had not yet seen, I convince dear friend Kim to finally watch Beowulf & Grendel with me. Days later, I was still asking myself why. |
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| July 27th, 2007 - Friends (who try our patience but are willing to watch the most obscure movies with us) |
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| Stay focused and try not to envy their supermodel looks. |
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| Kim: Is that him? Me: The troll? Are you insane? Kim: Well, I don't know what he looks like! Me: (exasperated and we're only 5 minutes in) Why would I be in love with a troll? Kim: Well.... you do have eclectic taste from time to time. Me: So this is how it's going to be tonight, eh? |
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| Kim: Is that him? Me: The little kid? No, you dumbass, he's like 8! Kim: What's with all the hair on his face? (brief pause) So it's definitely not him. Well then... Me: No dammit it's not him. But if it was, I can assure you he would be the hottest little hairy-faced troll in all of Geatland. Kim. Riiiight. Still this kid is all of 3 feet tall - with hair on his face! Me: You said that already. Kim: Well it's downright creepy. Anyway if that's not him, then where the hell is he? Me: Have you never heard the story of Beowulf? Kim: Not even the cliff notes version. Me: Are you familiar with plot development? Kim: Pass the Raisinets please. Me: Why me? |
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| From the Sea. A hot man..... Kim: Is that him? Me: Where? Kim: That man there, with the fish? Me: WTF, no, he's the floating head in the water, you idiot. Kim: Ohhhhhh. Ohmigod yes, just look at it. Me: Mmm yes, all wet and... floaty. Oh it's the most beautiful floating head in all of Geatland. Kim: I would totally love to be that eel wrapped around his leg. (old man with the fish chops eel in half) Errr, never mind. |
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| Kim: So is this it? This troll dude just keeps playing ring and run? Me: Bloody hell, he's not playing ring and run. He's avenging the death of his father! Kim: By peeing all over the place? Me: Do you want to stop watching? Kim: No. But I'm kinda scared. He's always howling and singing really bad songs. Hold me. Me: !@#$%! |
| And on and on it went until I snapped. While nearly strangling her to within an inch of her life, I realized this movie experience would have been less challenging had I watched it with my three year old. As she lay unconscious on the floor, I sat and watched the remainder of the film. Upon viewing the anticipated sex scene, I must admit, I did feel rather cheated. No clothing removed, no moaning, just a quick hand movement he makes towards her hips (which nearly undid me) but then I blinked and it was over. Suddenly in one maddening moment I understood that my dear, almost dead, friend Kim was right. How could anyone in the world have proper sex with all that gear on? And how fair is that to us viewers who sit and wait for The Gerry to get naked? Honestly. "Where Are They Now?" Kim and Anna managed to survive this viewing ... barely. But they still try to find the time to sit and watch movies together and have plans to experience more Gerry films together in the near future. Stay tuned for more of their intriguing story.... |
| Kim: Are they going to be having the sex now? Me: Not yet, no. I don't know! Kim: I wonder how long it would take considering all the armor he has to wear in his line of work. Me: Well it's not like he's going to be wearing it all during the act! Kim: Haha, can you imagine that? Me: Trying not to. Kim: Beowulf, Beowulf, lay down your helm. And your gauntlet. And your hauberk and lance. Your battle-axe...and your mace. Your mail armor and your coat of arms emblazoned on a silk tabard with your family's colors and crest ....and, and your tunic and leather jerkins, etc etc. I mean seriously, how exhausting. Who could have the sex after all that? |
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