Yes oh yes, any woman who is a Gerard Butler fan knows this to be positively, emphatically, undoubtedly - and any other words you can think of ending in "ly" - TRUE. But there are always those unbelievers who just can't grasp this concept. Well I just happen to have this transcript handy of a very interesting meeting that took place 39 years ago that will verify that God is, in fact, a woman.
Location: Cloud 9 Conference Room, Heaven
Angels can be heard chatting and buzzing with excitement. God enters the room and tries to quiet them.
God: "Alright let's pipe down now. The 1,999,843,752,614,901,004th Celestial Body Meeting is called to order. Let us begin by discussing our plans for our newest and most generous contribution ever to the beautification of mankind. Anyone have any ideas, let's hear them now."
The room is abuzz once again with angels flapping their wings and flailing their arms to get God's attention. Suddenly they hurl idea after idea at her.
Angel 1: " Well I think a stunning smile combined with cherubish cheeks is important."
Angel 2: " Ooh! And eyes that change different shades of color -from green to gray then to blue- that can melt a woman on the spot with just one glance."
Back to our story....
Angel 3: "Great hair. Gloriously wavy hair that any woman - and even he- would love to run their fingers through."
Angel 4: "And he needs to be in the public eye as much as possible so more women can get a good look at him."
Angel 3: "Not a doctor or maybe a lawyer?"
Angel 4: "Puh-leeze, a lawyer? Hahahahaha! Don't be a mook."
Angel 5: "Ooooh and he needs muscles that seem almost illegal to have. Yes an incredibly powerful body that even Adonis couldn't dream of having."
Suddenly, Adonis jumps out from behind a white pillar and shouts, "Hey! I worked hard for this bod, 'kay!" Outrage at the intrusion can be heard throughout the room and various angels can be heard shouting things such as:
"Mole!"
"...crashing such an important meeting!"
"He's just jealous. That is one of the vices you know."
"Send him to the Storm Cloud!"
God: "Alright, alright settle down, for the love of Jebus." (turns to Adonis) You will see me in my office after this meeting has adjourned." He slowly skulks out as the train of his toga trails pathetically behind him. When the golden door clinks shut behind him, God says, "Angels, where were we? Muscles that..."
Suddenly the phone rings. Everyone groans at the latest interruption.
Angel 1: "Um...God, it's for you."
God: "Well who would interrupt me during an important meeting like this!"
Angel 1: (hesitant) "It's...her. Wants to set up a meeting or something or other..."
God: "Fine. I'll take the call. (short pause as she grabs the receiver and puts it to her heavenly ear) "What is it now?"
And so The Gerry evolves into a man that exudes such beauty that God and Satan herself sit down together for a spot of tea so they can ooh and ahh over God's latest creation.
Satan - (sipping her tea) "What woman can resist having her cake so thickly frosted. He is as decadent as Devil's Food."
God: "None of which you'll find here, thank you very much." (there is a short pause as she reflects on her work, then smiles slowly) "I did do a fantastic job with this one if I do say so myself."
Satan: "You sure as hell did."
God: (Shoots Satan a reproachful look)
Satan: "Sorry."
In conclusion, be sure to get down on your knees and pray every single day from this day forth that somehow, somewhere down the road of humankind, God will bless our daughters with as beautiful a man as we have had the honor of gushing over. Perhaps The Gerry's future sons...Amen to that!
|
